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Losing weight is hard! I need stranger’s advice!

So I’m fat. I’m real­ly sor­ry if this offends you. I would love some angry advice from ran­dom strangers on how to fix this! Maybe a few memes of fat peo­ple falling over would help too!

Let’s go through the list:

  1. Join the gym: Good Idea! I joined over 2 years ago and have been going on aver­age 4 times a week. I’ve gained mus­cle but have not lost that much fat.
  2. Eat less: Great advice! I’ve stopped eat­ing so much, switched to small­er meals with more fibre and pro­tein, for exam­ple swap­ping cere­al for 2 eggs for break­fast. It is inef­fec­tive!
  3. Eat a sal­ad: Yep! I nor­mal­ly have a nice healthy sal­ad for lunch with a lit­tle vine­gar, no effect.
  4. Smooth­ies! Yep! I have replaced the evening meal with a veg­etable-based smooth­ie.
  5. walk more: Yes, good advice, only I nor­mal­ly walk the dog for around 45 min­utes and walk to the shops on a reg­u­lar basis.
  6. swim­ming: Yes once a week.
  7. give up cof­fee: NEVER! is this a joke.

So yes! Any angry advice would be great because I’m run­ning out of ideas. I have tried fast­ing and HITT and a bunch of oth­er things too.

 

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Excerpts from Copper Blood, a book by David Beck.

Copper Blood is going well. I have written another 25000 words and I’m loving writing the story!

The books cur­rent­ly called Cop­per Blood, its set in a dystopi­an future and cen­ters around a spe­cial 17-year-old called Sam who has spent his whole life in a self-con­tained board­ing school called the Eden Acad­e­my. Sam has to sink or swim when he’s forced out of his school by a ter­ror­ist attack on the build­ing. Sam explores this strange new world where the gap between the rich and the poor is huge; where glob­al gov­er­nance has bro­ken down and where a secret war waged in the shad­ows. Sam also has a secret that could cost him his life.

I’m aim­ing for about 90,000 to 110,000 words, Here are some ear­ly excerpts:

“Sam wasn’t sure if he was dream­ing… he didn’t even know if he was awake, but he did know some­thing… or some­one was at the door. His heart thumped in his chest and his body froze in ter­ror. His eyes were eyes wide with fear as he stared at the door. Did he hear a knock or did he dream it? Images of the cyborgs were still run­ning through his head. Sam remem­bered the sub­dued fear Mr Mor­ris had tried to hide and that strange lady he had seen in the cor­ri­dor, could it be her at the door? Anoth­er three loud knocks rang through the door. Sam knew for sure some­one was there now.”

“Sam turned off the light and laid back on the bed. Sleep didn’t find him as quick­ly this time after his night­mare. He won­dered who the lady in the cor­ri­dor was who peeked through the crack in her door. He felt sure that she had turned her light off ear­li­er when he and Mor­ris were being escort­ed home by that androg­y­nous cyborg. A ter­ri­fy­ing rev­e­la­tion sud­den­ly dawned on him that made the hairs on his neck stand on end, the light Sam had seen flick­er off ear­li­er was his light! He recount­ed the win­dows in his mind, his was the third win­dow on the third floor… his room. Some­one else; apart from Mr Mor­ris must have a key. Sam won­dered if he was safe; would this elu­sive per­son return when he was sleep­ing? He looked over at the steel table behind the door, it was lay­ing on its side and had been bolt­ed down; shot­gun shells at its base. Was some­one look­ing for the room’s for­mer occu­pant?”.

It’s still ear­ly days, but I’m start­ing to care about what hap­pens to these char­ac­ters.

Thank you for read­ing. Do you have an idea or a com­ment? I would love to hear from you on the con­tact page.

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Five years in jail for women who ‘emotionally bully’ husbands

Bul­lies who emo­tion­al­ly abuse part­ners face up to five years in prison.

Under laws com­ing into force today, any­one who inflicts psy­cho­log­i­cal cru­el­ty on their oth­er halves can be pros­e­cut­ed – even if there is no direct phys­i­cal harm.

For the first time, domes­tic abusers who stop short of lash­ing out at their vic­tims will be tar­get­ed with a new offence where there is evi­dence of ‘coer­cive and con­trol­ling behav­iour’.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3376846/Five-years-jail-men-emotionally-bully-wives-New-law-target-bullies-control-partners-coercive-controlling-behaviour.html#ixzz4VAv33o6E
Fol­low us: @MailOnline on Twit­ter | Dai­ly­Mail on Face­book

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Mike Pence Brain Replaced with Crucifix!

Mike Pence Vice president-elect of the United States of America

Mike Pence, Vice president-elect of the United States of America has today announced he will be the first Republican to have his brain entirely replaced with an idol of The Lord©. 

The surgery will be performed by a crack team of priests after doctors declined to operate saying ‘Idolatry is forbidden in the Bible’.

 

The Lead priest stated:

‘The key step in making Brain to Cross transplants (B2C) possible is the ability to connect nerve fibers from the Crucifix to the native spinal cord’

 

Mike Pence is expected to make a full recovery with no decline in cognitive functioning.

governor_pence_official_headshot

Prior to being appointed ‘Evangelical cheerleader’ by Donald Trump Mr Pence was famous for not understanding what a scientific theory was.

He’s also a favorite of the billionaire Koch brothers who’s business models involve making the earth uninhabitable.

Pence also enjoys removing LGBT rights supporting the rights of business to deny service to people based on their sexuality.